In my heart
Every summer
I open a place
And wait for someone
To take it away
If only these lonely hours
Would go away
I would be happy
I would be gay
Instead of sitting around
And waiting for someone to complete my soul
Wonderment ceases to revisit
Those youthful times
Which flew by
Had I knowwn a truth so dear
I'd never have let it go in fear
That I could now face
All new youthful times
Which promised me tomorrow
Though if someone would look
I wouldn't now know..
because... now I dont feel beautiful anymore.....

Day in, day out
Time and again
I go through the same flux of feelings,
the same turmoil of deepening emotions!
The very same agitation, the very same confusion...
And then again
I rewitness-
A beholder of my spirituality:
All my receptions, perceptions, confusions, corrections, soul's detection, emotional transition, and the unfolded clandestine proposition.
I'm again taken to it.
I retreat within the complexion,
and I seek the connection
I hold it so dear, so close, afraid to let go...
Someone with a surreal existance, to bear patience throught my persistance.
After a discovery, a certain completness through the recovery;
I regain composure and serenity.
My eyes begain to lie and words then fade away, as I succumb myself to wait another day...

I didnt have to, but thats how he made me feel. As if a sight had been captured, a certain kaleidoscope revisited... Oh, he had now idea how far he had come right from the first moment. Improvisations that led to tingles inside me, and moments that caused a ticklish chill down my spine...
Persuasion was effortless on his part, lest he was not even aware of how I felt about the whole situation, I had very well managed to shape our excessive communication blatantly candid.
After so many years, I had had myself caught up so wholly once again.

And so began a series of constant emotional wonders that were incomprehensible. His conversations were casual and my observations led to en masse a relationship where I was indefinately less respected. His claims and actions all led to a weakening dilemma. I would scold myself to be aware and be thorough in my judgements but his confidence was overwhelming- I could feel it too.
Each day I would sit myself on the internet to experience 'him'... in the morning and at night. I was only too aware of how this was going to turn out to be. Ofcourse, all realities met my pattern of thought.. that very kaleidoscope.. revisited, yes, indeed!
There were harsh words, moments of silver, alot of sharing, alot of opening... all in a week's time... A certain obscure feeling begin to come over me, ununderstandable. His claims seemed to reflect upon my image. Was I a victim?
I shalln't answer...

I got thrashed out. And I rebounded to his imprudent misgivings. It felt like a mistake at first, but later I formed fervently and was able to resist... such... such temptations.

When I first saw him, I felt very peaceful about the encounter. For some reason, his phlegmatic demeanour seem to be a pure coincidence to my needs for emotional protection and evanscence.

To people, it may sound silly. However, I couldnt help but be implicitly submissive. Though, I still tend to smile at his thoughts.

Each day, when we would converse, I would repeat it over and over again in my mind, at home... trying to feel what he felt. I felt satisfied after revising every emotional and reaction or words he had spoken in our one to one conversations.

I had not at all been optimistic about our future terms, but retaining a positive attitude helped me improve our relationship status.

As each day passed, my thought grew stronger and he began responding. Some of it, although, I would feel was alittle hesitatingly expressed.

He misconcieved that I was using him or spending wasteful time on him probably coz I felt he was easier to toalk to. Little did he know, I was working on our relationship coz I had selected only a few people to be my friends in school.

As months passed, I begain to dissolve my character to the realities I met in these surroundings. Time after time, I reekingly gathered my integrity and struggled to retain my compos mentis state of mind.

These would be the hardest times when I would desire him as a friend. Our relationship eventually changed when he evidently manifested unwelcoming hints. I was, although, not being flirtatious, but I resoluted to change the relationship status from friendly to romantic just so we could actually be closer.

I had subliminally submissed my sincerity to him prepared presciently, ready to satisfy all his needs!