Relationships

Rapture

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 02:09:33 +0200

Likewise all the peace that rests around me
You as an anodyne enter my memory
Replace my agression and depression
Takin' me to a whole new dimension
I'm flying somewhere up in the skies
When suddenly, you pass by
And lit up the whole room
With your beautiful smile
That takes my imagination more than a mile
And when the blooms of love are touched
I come back,
As you are right here,
The love that I searched.

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TORN (inspired by 'Torn' and 'Insatiable'-songs)

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 01:47:51 +0200

Well, you can't be that man I adored
You don't care, don't seem to know
What your heart is for
Well, I don't know you anymore
It's not right
The feeling I get when I try to push you aside
I leave your thoughts inside my head
They are pleasant and they're bitter
Those memories are not that beautiful anymore
It was an illusion
A disconcerting diffusion of my life
Shall I live, die or shall I strife?
After if I feel I have let you go by
God listens to prayers that are true
From the heart while I screamed I love you
I prayed thrice for this love to die
Inside my heart, it's a little bare
Baren such a forest in heaven
It was filled with beauty under moonlight
It was true, a vision of my past in sight
But will I succumb or truly fight?!
I'm scared, I'm out of luck
I don't miss it all that much
If it's a life let it die
WIth the whisperings of my emotions
When they call out
With all my love to you...
Don't listen, you'll be lost forever
I beseech my heart to let go of what it feels
I don't need to actually let it heal
I'll let it pass through me
With the way I'm torn
Was it just a lullaby?
When your heart sang
And kisses lingered on me
Was it passion?
Or was it chemistry?
I don't care, you've no right!
Over me, or on my soul that thrives!
In ways I can't define
Once bitten, but I'll never be shy
Nobody knows you like I do...
Cuz this world won't understand
I grow stronger in your hands!
Now my devotion is fading...
And my love diminishing out of sight
I won't put up any fight
I don't need to mourn, I need to cry
You're a little late, I won't give in or give away
Gladness in my life without you wont make me mourn
As I feel already torn...

Comments

Nobody, but you...!

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:44:34 +0200

You left me astray
Feeling nothing but betrayal
So now whose going to love you as much as I do?
Who will fulfill your inhibitions?
Who will be giving to you?
You live in a world where everybody's studying racing form,
And before you mould to them,
Think what it is you want!
Who will accept you for you, your fantasies and fallacies?
Who will fulfill you like I did?
Did I not make you laugh?
Or will I ever bore you..
Did I not charm you?
Or did I not disarm you?
Did I not make you feel like a man?
Or did I not give myself to you...?
Did I not make you smile?
Or did I not fill colours in your life?
Did I not make you happy?
Or did I not make you feel wanted?
Did I not make you feel you were mine?
Or did I not make you feel flattered?
Did I not show you the beauty in life that can be...
Or did I not give you a glimpse of a real life for us...
Did I not love you enough?
Or did I ever bring tears to your eyes?
Did I not hide my insecurities from you?
Or did I not give myself away when you imposed??
Did I not make you feel like a boy?
Or did I not make you feel undeprived?
Did I not love you enough...
Or do you wish to make me cry?!
I let you step all over me, and
have your way, indignantly...
Mercy, you didn't show!
Love, you didn't sow!
If it was false, if it was fake
Let it be the cause,
of the smile on my face.
I didn't plan such an ending,
to something so real...
A tending heart like mine only might ever heal...
For you I am lost without words to say,
Without you, I am distraught-
because you've had your way...
A window is open to you, my love!
If you care enough to look in it...
You'll see a beauty of a life that we can share.
Fear not, for if nature will dare to unite us in every way,
until then, do think of me, darling!
For I'm helpless as I live on your memories.
You touched me once, and now I'm smitten forever,
Love can only be made together!
If there is hope, let it show.
If there's love, don't be afraid to live in my heart forever.
Now tell me my dear, how many women feel this way for you???
(nobody, but...)

Comments

Improvision of misgivings to a lonely heart...

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:47:32 +0200

Week after week, I feel more betrayed
The chances of life are no longer found,
Are not strong enough to keep me sound,
but enough to keep me buried underground.
Lies and fallacies are detrimental aspects, I strife to contend with.
My faith unwavered, my patience is eternally lost since.
But I am glad to not find any reason to live.
All I'll ever be glad for is when perhaps my life will diminish.
I'm a fool, yes, I'm a fool!
An arrogant, and innocent fool!
A fool of the 21st century!
A fool for the torment and treachery!
A fool, incomplete!
A fool, in defeat!
A fool unwanted!
A fool sad enough to contemplate suicide!
A fool enough to forgo the potential aspects of my wisdom...
And magnify the imprudence of my character in defeat...
In defeat and shame, a certain treachery,
As I waver and stumble through the process of recovery.
Nobody adduced to me to share,
The deplorable life of the lonely, is not fair...
They choose to relive their temptations on me,
until I'm smitten in every way that I could be...
They step on me, and move on,
their pleasures, their solid ground.
A traitor, an egotistical traitor!
A faker, a confused faker...
Him, who was selfish enough to step all over me!
He wasn't perfect but he was there for me.
In ways that I can't explain...
In ways that got out of hand...
In more than one way,
such rekindling, healing temptations were enough to mend me this time...
But my heart, you traitor, will forever be bitter!
In through ways that made you almost mine...

Comments

Bitter Sweet Misfortune

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:03:36 +0200

I don't believe what I know
What I feel that I show
And I'm unsure of what to say
In the length of the day
When it turns to night
I feel so lost
And I feel I'm distraught
Why do I know, how to get what I want...
And it's just that, I'm lost without you
I feel distraught
You are influencing me
Taking me higher
More than I feel myself to be.
It's just a fantasy
I hope i'm not incomplete
When I wake up to see
You not here right next to me.
If I'm smitten, let it show
If I feel complete, let it be known...
This is true of what I sow
I am now where I want to be
If this is false, if this is fake
If this is not, let it be the cause of the smile on my face
And I know what I want,
As you are the reason for my song...

Comments

Slowly Time Kills Them... me (pt 2)

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:34:45 +0200

I feel incomplete
As a tortured soul should
I feel unwritten
The way any unread book would
Completely I am alone
So fully unwhole
Attempting to reach limits beyond the skies
With the power of my imagination
As yearning each day would
Hide my indignation.
There's no truth to me, nor to my past
There's no lie in my present but a secret passion
With all my devotion my passion forms dreams
Dreams that develope with the power of my imagination
As forming them each day could hide my incompletion.

If a soul is destined to be one as whole
My sould would play the part of a such a soul!
And as any soul,
I divert, I distract and sometimes end up distraught
I ache, I pain and sometimes end up alone.

My book seems finished,
with all the blank pages on fold...
Just like somebody I knew had foretold
Although I wouldn't now know,
Because I don't feel beautiful anymore...

Comments

Slowly, time kills them.. me

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 19:52:22 +0200

In my heart
Every summer
I open a place
And wait for someone
To take it away
If only these lonely hours
Would go away
I would be happy
I would be gay
Instead of sitting around
And waiting for someone to complete my soul
Wonderment ceases to revisit
Those youthful times
Which flew by
Had I known a truth so dear
I'd never have let it go in fear
That I could now face
All new youthful times
Which promised me tomorrow
Though if someone would look
I wouldn't now know..
because... now I dont feel beautiful anymore.....

Comments

A Fallback!

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 16:28:21 +0100

Day in, day out
Time and again
I go through the same flux of feelings,
the same turmoil of deepening emotions!
The very same agitation, the very same confusion...
And then again
I rewitness-
A beholder of my spirituality:
All my receptions, perceptions, confusions, corrections, soul's detection, emotional transition, and the unfolded clandestine proposition.
I'm again taken to it.
I retreat within the complexion,
and I seek the connection
I hold it so dear, so close, afraid to let go...
Someone with a surreal existance, to bear patience throught my persistance.
After a discovery, a certain completness through the recovery;
I regain composure and serenity.
My eyes begain to lie and words then fade away, as I succumb myself to wait another day...

Comments

Impartial Bargains

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 16:35:57 +0200

I didnt have to, but thats how he made me feel. As if a sight had been captured, a certain kaleidoscope revisited... Oh, he had now idea how far he had come right from the first moment. Improvisations that led to tingles inside me, and moments that caused a ticklish chill down my spine...
Persuasion was effortless on his part, lest he was not even aware of how I felt about the whole situation, I had very well managed to shape our excessive communication blatantly candid.
After so many years, I had had myself caught up so wholly once again.

And so began a series of constant emotional wonders that were incomprehensible. His conversations were casual and my observations led to en masse a relationship where I was indefinately less respected. His claims and actions all led to a weakening dilemma. I would scold myself to be aware and be thorough in my judgements but his confidence was overwhelming- I could feel it too.
Each day I would sit myself to experience 'him'... in the morning and at night. I was only too aware of how this was going to turn out to be. Ofcourse, all realities met my pattern of thought.. that very kaleidoscope.. revisited, yes, indeed!
There were harsh words, moments of silver, alot of sharing, alot of opening... all in a week's time... A certain obscure feeling begin to come over me, ununderstandable. His claims seemed to reflect upon my image. Was I a victim?
I shalln't answer...

I felt thrashed out. And I rebounded to his imprudent misgivings. It felt like a mistake at first, but later I formed fervently and was able to resist... such... such temptations.

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An account of a relationship developement

Sun, 29 May 2005 20:17:23 +0200

When I first saw him, I felt very peaceful about the encounter. For some reason, his phlegmatic demeanour seem to be a pure coincidence to my needs for emotional protection and evanscence.

To people, it may sound silly. However, I couldnt help but be implicitly submissive. Though, I still tend to smile at his thoughts.

Each day, when we would converse, I would repeat it over and over again in my mind, at home... trying to feel what he felt. I felt satisfied after revising every emotional and reaction or words he had spoken in our one to one conversations.

I had not at all been optimistic about our future terms, but retaining a positive attitude helped me improve our relationship status.

As each day passed, my thought grew stronger and he began responding. Some of it, although, I would feel was alittle hesitatingly expressed.

He misconcieved that I was using him or spending wasteful time on him probably coz I felt he was easier to toalk to. Little did he know, I was working on our relationship coz I had selected only a few people to be my friends in school.

As months passed, I begain to dissolve my character to the realities I met in these surroundings. Time after time, I reekingly gathered my integrity and struggled to retain my compos mentis state of mind.

These would be the hardest times when I would desire him as a friend. Our relationship eventually changed when he evidently manifested unwelcoming hints. I was, although, not being flirtatious, but I resoluted to change the relationship status from friendly to romantic just so we could actually be closer.

I had subliminally submissed my sincerity to him prepared presciently, ready to satisfy all his needs!

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